‘Move forward not move on from grief’
“They have gone to a better place”.
“At least you are not alone, you have other family members and friends, keep yourself busy and you will get over it”
“It is the way it was meant to be ”
“…….(avoidance, lack of acknowledgment of your loss)…”
These are some of the phrases (and/or silence/avoidance) we hear when someone who is close to us passes us. Sometimes these phrases stab your heart and worsen the wound that already is weeping.
How about if someone says…
“They must have meant a lot to you, can you share with me your memories? What were the best moments you spent together?”.
“I have no idea how you must be feeling, I am there for you when you need to talk”.
“ What can you do to make them proud, how can you live their legacy?”
This is an invitation to you to transform your grief, to witness the alchemy of loss. For this you need courage. Cultivating courage is surfing a wave, there are low and high tides that help us create momentum and bring us all the way down to the pits of our own grief. Be gentle to yourself and follow these three tips.
Step 1 — Live their legacy and feel their presence
Living without the one we love is a barren life without love and nothing to look forward to. Yet death is one of the taboo subjects that we know exists but we feel that if we do not talk about it, it will not happen to us nor our loved ones. With the pandemic, sometimes we may not even be able to see our loved one before they leave this earthly plane which can cause extreme long lasting anguish. It is the empty chair on family dinning table that takes the most space in our heart and lives.
One of the ways to start healing, is to realise that grief comes in different shapes and forms but it comes to everyone’s life. There is story that is narrated in many traditions where a mother who loses her son goes to mystic and asks him to bring back her loved one. He agrees and says I’ll bring your loved one back if you can bring me some mustard seeds (at the time of the story this was a common ingredient in most households) from anyone’s house who has not experienced loss. This delighted the mother and she went door to door seeking the mustard seeds and she gradually realised that there was not a single household which had not experienced grief. This made her realise that everyone goes through loss.
It is easy to be the bird who whilst being chased by a cat, buries their head in the sand. Avoidance, blame, self pity are all emotions that will surface and we need to gradually find our solace and navigate through them. I’ve released a podcast with Kelly Hainsworth, reflexologist, mentor and founder of Love Reflexology Community were we talk about the Alchemy of Grief when she lost her brother and how she transformed it to give birth to Love Reflexology. Click here to tune in and be guided to find your own source of healing to move forward not move on as Kelly has shared with us.
Step 2— Heal through nature
When we look outside at nature we automatically realise that what is born has to die which is the circle of life. Nature is a great teacher to guide us with the wisdom that when we loose someone we love, we must learn to not to live without them, but with the love they left behind — love is eternal it is a circle. After the winter, spring comes to welcome the blossoming summer.
Everyone’s journey is different, I like to compare grief with a snowflake, multidimensional, each one unique, which melts with the heat of the sun, our acceptance. It does not fade away rather it transforms into water. The artic fox is one of the most adaptable animals that during winter it goes through this spell bounding process to grow a sleeping beauty coat to protect it. Whilst grief can be cold and bitter, we can envelop ourself with the adaptability to heal and be a source of comfort to ourself.
Here is a heart felt present for you, an introduction to the wonders of nature, the Rescue Remedy made by the Bach Flower Essences. This is a brief introduction on the radiant brilliance of flower remedies to bring you back to balance and calmness after the loss of your loved one. To access this free resource, click here.
Step 3 — Embrace yourself with love and kindness
Once we have found our way to validate our experience of grief by living the legacy of our loved one and tuning into nature we can slowly start finding a way to surround ourselves with love and kindness, give ourselves a hug of comfort and solace. It is the best way to be able to feel their presence through their memories. Tune into giving yourself some loving kindness by listening to this 60 second video and/or 3 minute video to wear the cloak of compassion. I offer Matrix Reimprinting which is therapeutic session to help you come to terms with your loss and bring you to some type of closure which is pivotal in our journey of grief. Note that I say it is a journey, often a life long one. Allow me to evoke compassion for yourself.